February 1, 2012

An inside look at Pat Burrell’s love shack

Now that former San Francisco Giants outfielder Pat Burrell has formally announced his retirement, it’s time to do what every new retiree does: sell the house.

Wait. What?

Burrell won’t be playing baseball anymore (or earning a million-dollar-a-year contract), so the slugger has decided to sell his swanky digs in Scottsdale.

You’ve seen Tim Lincecum‘s crib. You’ve read about Juan Uribe‘s midnight fish fry-turned-condo-cue. We even showed you where Barry Bonds grew up.

But this one tops them all.

Many fans know that Burrell is a pure ladies man. Think Charlie Harper from “Two And A Half Men”—only richer and better looking. (Oh, and not dead, if you’re still watching the show.)

In a recent non-scientific poll I conducted via Facebook and Twitter, Burrell came out on top as the best-looking player to ever don a Giants uniform.

I think this person said it best:

He swooned my ass before donning the Giants uni! Sure theres Snow, and young Clark (and Kents pornstache) but Pat is tops. — @HildaChester via Twitter

Burrell’s escapades in the bedroom have become nothing short of legendary folklore.

Rumor has it he once left a steaming UPS package for one of his one-night stands (what can brown do for you?). He has long suspected been the man rocking the gimp outfit in this Chris Rose Cheap Seats video interview with Brian Wilson. He’s Pat The Freakin’ Bat!

Now, behold his lair.

For only $3,695,000 dollars, you can buy Burrell’s party pad in the ultra-chic, gated Estancia Community. Once it’s yours, invite all the Gamer Babes from Half Moon Bay you want. Wander the halls in your own gimp outfit. Throw drinks in your female guests’ faces, then toss them out. Announce to your female friends that you’re Pat The Bat….

Heck, by the looks of this joint, you wouldn’t need to impersonate Pat Burrell to impress the ladies. Check out these pics: